Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
