she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
