She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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