omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
