I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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