I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
