i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
