Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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