GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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