Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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