idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
