is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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