My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
they need to just BURY HIM!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
