there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He did a backflip because drugs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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