ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
