i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
