I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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