Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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