epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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