Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
