My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
