Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize