he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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