Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
