DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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