Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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