they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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