planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Randomize
