Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
