I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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