SEEEEXXX PLEASE
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
