Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
