Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize