that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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