You can't special order awesome
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
