my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
