have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
