Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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