so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
