Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
