I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have fence marks all over my body
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
