duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
