I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize