i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
