Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
