just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
