guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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