I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
