2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I smell stomach acid.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
