I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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