I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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