drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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