i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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