I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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