yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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