my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
