I hate all girls vehemently.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
