I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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