Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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