Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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