I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wish there were birth control emojis
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
