He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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