She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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