I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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