I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
