made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize