I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
