Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
