We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize