So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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