I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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