I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
