I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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