If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
