it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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