I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
