Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
