There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
