is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
