dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
