New invention idea: vibrating tampons
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
