my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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