thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
