The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
