Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
