i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
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If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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