It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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