I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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