mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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