and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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