I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
